I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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