Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
