normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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