I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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