the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
