Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
