I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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