Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
