My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
