just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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