I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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