it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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