He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
