Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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