im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
