I accidentally burped into my bong.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
