mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
