wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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