What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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