so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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