My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
