Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
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you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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