3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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