The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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