i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
