No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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