I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
