If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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