Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
