Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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