You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
