I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Shame is for Republicans.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
