another moral hangover. fuck.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
