how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
