waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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