I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
