She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
