The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A bitchslap is in order.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
