her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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