I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
