i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
