Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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