If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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