I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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