how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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