summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
