Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
