I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
