Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
