just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
