I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
