You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
