you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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