and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
