Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
