Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
