Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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