bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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