what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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