I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
