i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
