im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
