Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
