okay pat passed out under dana's car
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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