she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
